Help... I feel like giving up on my eating disorder recovery?

I have a BMI of like 22.5 so not overweight but certainly not skinny. I have EDNOS and through restricting have lost like 85lbs. I've been seeing a dietitan and got put on like 1,200 calories a day for right now. I have gained some initial weight, I gained like 5lbs of food and water weight. I feel like I can't do this anymore, I'm so fat. I've actually lost half an inch off my waist but I feel like I look tons bigger. My hipbones show less and my stomach sticks out more. I just feel lost and hopeless and fat and scared. i need to keep losing weight and I need to starve and fel empty inside again... help? And please don't just say "diet and exercise" it's not the same